The Sofa Sleeper Incident

I am a girl who needs her sleep.
I used to lose a lot of it when my kids were out of school for summer vacation.
One night, several years ago, I decided it was time for bed.
I turned on the big screen, pulled out the leather sofa sleeper in the family room, and told 8 year old Brynly and 10 year old Braeden they could watch TV if they were quiet.
I also told them their 13 year old brother, Taylor, was sleeping at a friends house so I had already locked up.
After tossing and turning in my hot bedroom for an hour and a half I finally fell asleep.
About an hour later I woke up to someone screaming.
And this was no ordinary scream.
This was a "someone is chopping my head off" kind of scream.
It took me a minute to wake up enough to figure out the sound was coming from the family room.
When I got downstairs and yelled, "What the hell is going on?" all I could see was Braeden running around the room.
"Where is your sister?" I screeched.
He pointed to the closed up sofa sleeper.
My 8 year old daughter was folded inside the sofa sleeper which was now pushed down inside the couch.
I  stood there for a good 60 seconds trying to figure out if anyone had ever told me what to do in this situation.
No one had.
I had visions of cutting the couch to pieces with a knife.
It was less than a year old and it wasn't cheap.
I told Braeden to quit freaking out and help me pull the sleeper back out.
He had already tried and another person pulling did not make much difference.
It wouldn't budge.
We put our legs up on the edge of the couch for leverage and pulled.
It still wouldn't budge.
My daughter's screams were starting to become hysterical.
I was trying to figure out if I could handle the embarrassment of calling 911 when I reached my hand down inside the couch to comfort her.
Her little head was covered in sweat.
I asked her if she could breathe and she said she could but it was tight.
I knew this had to be resolved soon or I was going to have to call the authorities.
Taylor was bigger and taller and I thought he might be able to do it.
I told Brynly I was going down to the neighbors' house to get her brother.
She started to scream again and said she was going to die while I was gone.
I told her she would be okay but I had to get some help quick. 
When I got to the neighbors house, even though it was close to midnight, the man of the house, Blake, was outside working on a car. I asked him where Taylor was and he said the boys weren't there. They were out screwing around somewhere.
I made a mental note to ground Taylor later.
Blake asked me if I needed some help and I said yes and started running back to my house.
Unfortunately, he had a sprained ankle and couldn't keep up with me but his wife, Lori, overheard the conversation from their front door and was right behind me. 
I had not said what the emergency was so when we got into my family room, Lori just looked at me.
She could not figure out where the screaming was coming from either.
I pointed to the sofa sleeper.
She got a funny look on her face. Then we both started pulling.
After a couple of tries, up came the sofa sleeper and a very scared and sweaty girl.
I thanked Lori and she left. I can't imagine what she must have been thinking.
Brynly and Braeden cried and cried.
When they had calmed down a little I said, "What the?"
They said they were playing "taco" and they never thought the springs were strong enough to pull a 60 pound person into the sofa.
What is the moral to the story?
There is none.
This is just a humorous story that shows you that stuff happens.
Okay, maybe there is one. Never underestimate the power of a spring. 

Eminem and Codependency

Am I really going to write a post about Eminem?
Yes I am.
He entered my radar when I watched The 40 Biggest Celebrity Feuds on VH1.
Man, I love myself some VH1. Only in America.
Anyway, my favorite was the feud between Mariah and Nick Cannon vs. Eminem.
Now I am not sure who started this whole thing but if it was Mariah and Nick, they are not too bright.
It is pretty obvious Eminem does not have a sensor and anyone that ticks him off will become the subject of a colorful and quite possibly violent free style.
What did Mariah think was going to happen when she dressed up like Slim Shady?
And sorry, Nick. It does appear your wife did hook up with Marshall and he has the voice mail messages to prove it.
It is hard to root for the Cannons when they obviously did not do their homework. 
Anyone should know Eminem does not back down from a fight.
Just listen to his music.
Just ask his mom and Kim.
VH1 could devote a whole show to Eminem feuds.
He has some serious anger management issues and I am just glad he has better things to do than read obscure blogs.
Coincidentally, I also watched 8 Mile on MTV a few days ago.
Yes, family and church friends, I did say I watched VH1, MTV, and 8 Mile all in the same post.
Don't judge me.
I have to say, 8 Mile wasn't too bad and Eminem can be super hot for the short periods of time when he is not talking.
But after one listens to his views on women it is hard to understand why anyone would get involved with him. Why would Mariah get involved with him?
Yes, he is famous and he has a lot of money.
Yes, he works out and he has a great body. 
He also overcame an erratic and underprivileged childhood and went on to become the best selling artist of the 2000s.
But I don't think it is about any of those things.
And I don't think women care about those things as much as he thinks they do. 
I think women get involved with men like him because women are women.
When people are hurt they want to make them better.
When people are angry they want to calm them down.
I am not a big fan of generalization but I don't think men buy into the belief that loving kindness can change a person like women do.
Women are fixers and much more likely to be codependent.
I don't know who Eminem is going to date next or if he is even on the market.
But here is my best advice.
Don't mess with him.
(I am not sure why I am messing with him).
Because we all know the best predictor of the future is the past.
And the whole thing is likely to end up as an angry rant.
Or better yet America, a countdown show on VH1.